lately

 

Lately I’ve been tired.

More than normal tiredness. I’m tired deep in the core of my bones somehow. That kind of tired you used to get when you were an inexhaustible little kid building snowmen all day long in the dead of winter, or galloping around on all fours in the yard during the summer. The kind of tired that used to come when the bottoms of your feet were black with dirt, your knees were stained green by the grass, and your whole body was so dusty that it turned the bathwater a murky gray. Do you remember that?

It’s the tired that comes when you work hard, play hard, and sleep hard. Tiredness of muscles and bones, of brain and senses, of spirit and soul. I’m always going, doing, socializing, talking, studying, working, exercising, thinking, praying. The days go by so quickly that they blur and merge. February is one-third gone before I am even able to pause long enough to say hello. March, April, and half of May are all that stand between me and the end of this year of Bible school—and they will fly.

But my schedule is too full to give me time to think about the end and the goodbyes, which is probably a good thing. It forces me to live one moment at a time. There is so much rushing that there is no rushing at all; so much crammed into every day that I have no time to look forward to the next thing on my list. And while it is exhausting, it’s also exciting. In an instant every moment becomes a memory, and I am working hard to make them worth remembering.

God has been so good to me.