I could not have been ready to go back to Florida after eleven months of absence. Coming back to people I last saw on the other side of the world, to a place where the softness of evening light never fails to break down the hard shell around my heart—I should have expected the tears, I suppose, but I really thought I could maintain my masquerade of strength for seven days.
Maybe I did, in some ways; I only cried in front of a few, though I wanted to cry to them all. Not tears of mourning or discontent, but tears of raw, long-buried pain. The pain of eleven months without the encouragement that can only be found in fellowship with other believers in the Truth, eleven months of being hardened by the unrelieved presence of Darkness. There is an unmistakable Light in Sebring, Florida that I haven’t yet found anywhere else.
I'm so afraid
Of what you have to say
Cause I am quiet now
And silence gives you space
I'll never be, be what you see inside
You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified
You say that you are close, is close the closest star?
You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far
And I’ll fall, and I’ll break, and I’ll fake you out…
“Fake You Out” by Twenty One Pilots
It’s odd to think that on February 21, 2014, I stood next to this man at my wedding rehearsal thinking I loved and knew him—when, almost fifty days later, that love looks like a childish fancy compared to how much I love him now. I can hardly imagine what fifty years might bring—but I’m excited to find out. :)
